Writers Workshop.. a day late ;)

Dear Grocery Store Customers:

I thought that I would share with you some helpful facts, and tidbits to get you through your day, I know that it must be SO hard for you to get up out of your la-z-boy chair and come to the store for your beer... but, just listen:

1. Let's try a little harder with your appearance: Like I said before, I know it's hard to even get up, but can you at least put in your chompers? I cant understand you with your lips curled up into your mouth. And maybe, just maybe all the ladies out there that have birthed a few precious babies even the ones that seem to have not befriended gravity, would you mind just putting on a bra? This isn't the 70's, there isn't a feminist movement, the only movement I see are "the girls."

2. I have to ask you "Paper, plastic or reusable" It's my job. Please, be nice to me and let me finish my statement. I'm being watched like a hawk, and if I don't finish my statement.. my name goes on the list. It is very RUDE to interrupt people.

3. For the love of God, please shower. bathe. go out into the river and wash. I hate the smell of alcohol. smoke and ass.

4. Get off your damn cell phone. I think this applies to every place with customers. I have things I have to ask you {remember, I'm being watched} If you are on your phone, I cant pretend to care about how your day is or which bag your want me to slam your groceries into.

5. Let's not try and be clever. You aren't funny. I have heard every single line there is.

Me: "Did you get everything you needed?"
Butthead: "And then some.. HAHAHAH"

Me: "Paper, plastic, or reusable"
Butthead Clown: "yes"
"I'm bi-sacksual" {that one actually made me laugh}
"whatever"
"burlap..hehe"

6. My job, if it isn't too busy, is to stand out in front of my check stand and wait for you to come around. I have to ask if you found everything and if you are ready to get out of the damn store. This isn't death-con 4. Please. Do not zero in on me. Stand in front of me until I make eye contact with you or smile at you. You aren't that cute.. and if me smiling at you gets you going or whatever.. get out. i don't want you in my store anyways.

7. If your child is running rampant ALL over the store. And is screaming. There is a good chance, I'm going to be grumpy with you. I understand the bad days, the no nap thing {hey, I have a baby girl too} but if that is how they always are.. please. leave. give them to the zoo.

8. No, I don't think you are attractive.

9. If it doesn't ring up on sale, and the tag that is sitting RIGHT under it says it's not on sale. It's not on sale. I cant give you a discount because you are being nice. I WONT give you a discount if you are going to be a complete bitch to me because YOU CANT READ. If the box is dented, mushed or has a scratch on it. You wont get a discount.

Thank you for taking the time to listen and understanding that joys of my job. I hope that you have a great day and thanks for stopping in! See ya later!

Regards, Your favorite Checker.

PS. A big shout to the "regulars", the ones that are nice and take the time to ask me how MY day is. The ones that care, and tell me my hair looks pretty. You guys rock my world. My "boyfriends" thanks for making me smile, you know who you are ;) The cute and sassy ladies, I like you the most.


**Thanks Kat, if I was good at linking & html, there would be a link right here {...}